Now THIS is priceless!! Haha! You MUST read this! Originally found on HELLO BEAUTIFUL(You can find the link down there in the "comments" section too!*points down to the bottom of the page*). This is a synopses that someone did of the Twilight series. One of the funniest bloody(no pun intended*snort*) things I have EVER read!!
LDS Sparkledammerung IS HERE!
The Secrets of the Sparkle a.k.a. TWILIGHT: STONIFIED (Image heavy)
ETA Due To Heavy Traffic This was written to amuse my buds and me. I am not claiming to be the Mormon Vampire Authority, even though let's face it: I am the leading Mormon Vampire Authority. (Nutshell: laugh, or turn back now. This was meant for joking and is filled with dirty words.)
So here's the thing. I was going to be all whipping out the smart essay, pointing out all the subconscious LDS meta that SMeyers jammed in these books, showing how I thought she didn't even realize what she was borrowing (because honestly, I just don't think she's smart enough to lay it out there, you know?) But here's the thing:
THE BOOKS ARE REALLY REALLY DUMB. Like, "Strategery" dumb. (That's a Dubya quote.) So I'm giving back at the same reading-comprehension level if you will. And you will. There's so much dumb, in fact, that it will take a few posts to get it all out there. So here's the first book and change.
Hold on, hold on, I need to keep setting the tone:
"Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful, beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk." ~Jack Handy.
There is heavy word abuse in the book, so I'm trying to spare you that. They are "beautiful," "perfect," "chagrin," and the one I wanted to scream every time I read it, "UGH." Because cop fathers would clearly say repeatedly, "Ugh." On with the show!
Stephenie Meyers (who claims that her name is spelled weird. [ETA: *I* spelled it wrong, but my point stands. One letter don't make it weird in that neck of the woods. Carry on! *G*] Um, only in Utah, lady. Which, here is an example of some typical Mormon/Utah names, all people that I KNOW:
- Jannilyn
- Randilynn (guess what her dad's name is?)
- Faunette
- LaVonne
- Mohonri Morianchimer
- Aereign <-- good fucking hell.)
Smeyers grew up in Phoenix and you know this because she likes to mention how awesomely huge it is. She likes it so much that her protagonist, Isabella Swan aka Bella, is from there and constantly reminds her father, Charlie, that Phoenix is waaaaaay bigger than Provo. I mean, Forks, Washington, where the story is set.
PLEASE READ FULL ARTICLE HERE
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