How To Get Kicked Out Of A Circle

(by "circle" I mean a ritual circle...witchy stuff!! hehe!)

How to get kicked out of a circle

1. Take the sword from the altar and say, "Luke, I am your Father" and make light saber sounds.

2. During cakes and wine, act like a wine snob and critique it.

3. When chanting the names of the Goddess, randomly add Barbie.

4. When chanting the names of the God, randomly add the names of wrestlers.

5. Invoke Satan

6. Check and send text messages to and from your friends on your cell phone.

7. Take out a bible and start evangelizing.

8. During cakes and wine, accuse the High Priestess of sexually harassing you.

9. In a sky clad circle, take pictures with your cell phone.

10. When the Gods are being invoked, lean on the altar to stretch out your legs.

11. Light cigarettes and cigars off the Goddess candle.

12. Insist that it should be your turn to flog the initiates.

13. In a sky clad circle, loudly rank everyone's boobs on a scale of 1 to 10.

14. Continuously point out loudly and often whenever you have a hard-on and ask for compliments on it.

15. Be sure never to miss an opportunity to make a farting sound when anyone bends over or sits down.

16. Ask if the good stuff is over so you can be cut out of the circle to catch the last part of American Idol.

17. When you're asked to call the quarters, go to the first point and call the quarters. Move to the second point and call the dimes, proceed on to calling the pennies and the nickles, all the while having one hand in your pocket jingling the change there as a coinage accompaniment.

18. Leave your cell phone on and arrange for a friend to call you during a moment of reverent silence or general moment of focus.

19. Polock jokes!

20. say "In accordance with the prophecy" after every sentence.

21. At key points in the ritual make "In Soviet Russia..." jokes.

22. In a skyclad circle, stand there and urinate, especially effective if done at the calling of a god or goddess.

23. Why evangelize to the pagans when you can wait a bit and start evangelizing to the gods?

24. The well placed magic words, "YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!" yelled with sudden strength and conviction at a choice moment.

25. Blot using antifreeze, motor oil or some other disgusting substance.

26. Puke in the drinking horn, chalice ect.

27. interrupting an invocation of the Horned One and saying, "I got your horny god, right here, baby!"

28. Use trick candles that don't go out.

29. During cakes and wine say "body of Christ".

30. In a skyclad circle, scratch your naughty bits with the wand.

31. If they say "As above, so below" Follow it with "ready or not, here we go"

32. Add cumin or sulphur to the incense in the cauldron.

33. Smudge someone with Right Guard.

34. Slip what looks like a roophy into the chalice, then refuse to drink.

35. Pick your teeth with the athame.

36. Use a kitten as an athame

37. Fart or belch loudly while calling the eastern quarter and then say So Mote It Be!

38. In the middle of everything start singing"swing your partner, do-se-do, almand left and a way we go!"

39. In a skyclad ritual, deffacate or urinate while walking and act offended when people give you bad looks as your proudly declare yourself a naturalist.

40. Hail Fred Flinstone. After all, he is one of your ancient ancestors, no?

41. Yell at everyone there, constantly.

42.Yell at everyone not there, constantly.

43. Ask the gods to bless your upcoming raid of Wally World.

44. Back your car into the circle in the middle of ritual.

45. Claim to be able to keep people with magic, with a touch, with a thought... whatever.

46. Ramble incoherent nonsense and swear it is Old Norse (note: do this in from of people wo'd clearly kno otherwise).

47. Throw the gods some spare change.

48. Oh hell, just throw spare change at people.

49. During ritual, come out of nowhere on a riding mower claiming to represent the Green Man.

50. Two evil words: HORNED HELMET!

51. Toss a cat. You heard me, toss a cat.

52. Perform the Lesser Banishing of Captain Crunch.

53. Claim that Alister Clrowly is attacking you in your dreams or claim to have been him in a past life, to be him now or that he is your spirit guide, etc. Then proceed to display a complete and utter misunderstanding of Thalema.

54. clean your fingernails with the athame

55. grab the wand, wave it around yelling "Curse you, Voldemort!"

56. start singing at the top of your lungs "May the circle be unbroken by and by, Lord, by and by..."

57. Claim that a spell comes from your 13th generation grandmother and make sure that it is written in improper Olde English and screw up all the thee's, thou's and thy's and warn everyone about how afraid of you they should be.

58. trying to use the High Preistesses navel as an ash tray

59. drying your hands on the High Priestesses hair

60. Insist that they use YOU to represent the south 'cause "I'm on fire!!!!' *lick finger and make hissing noise as you touch your ass.

61. Fake a medical emergency by screaming that you needs LOTS of bandaids. When they ask why, start flexing and say "For all these cuuuts!"

62. Pick up every little thing you can -- candle wax drippings, a piece of hair, a blade of grass, used napkins -- and then when you get a funny look, say, "Oh! I didn't think you would mind if I kept mementos of this circle! I'm having such a great time!", this is when you step up and say, "put down the personal poppets and leave before I shave every hair off your body and make a wax effigy."

63. Run around the circle, touching everyones head as you say,"Duck, duck, goose!!"